Overcoming fear

The day had finally arrived and everything seemed to be going way too fast for it to register in my brain. I was not thinking clearly as i heard a familiar voice blaring over the speakers. The Principal. Had his voice always been this squeaky? 

I felt my stream of thoughts drift away to insignificant things. This was one of the defense mechanisms i had developed against stress which worked wonders to a certain degree. My hands felt numb and i looked down to realize i was clenching my fists. A quick turn towards the array of seats behind me to notice any familiar faces. None. I had to do this alone and this time, there was no out. 

I told myself that it is not a big deal, it is just one of those many fears that i have to overcome and it would be best if i try not to fret about it and end up making a fool of myself on the stage. Embarrassment. The thought of it made me shudder. A lot of people have over come their fear by facing it, i told myself, so just do it.

An entire week seemed to have passed by the time i was called on to the stage. I wished i would dissociate into another personality, one that could deal with facing an audience. I really hoped something of that sort happened, just as long as my prophecy of making a complete fool of myself would not come true. No such luck that day.

The stage was too bright, i could barely see the audience. I tried hard not to squint as i cursed my sensitive eyes. The optician was right about my eyes being unhealthy; I wonder how those pupil-dilating fluids work? FOCUS. Had i dissociated yet? Had another personailty taken over? I tried to remember events from my childhood. Nope, still the same personality. Dang. 

With no other option left, i took out my little sheet of paper on which i had written my speech. Is it just me or is this stage burning hot? I dint remember writing the speech with a fountain pen. Why were the words shrinking in size? Should i start reading, yet? Or do i wait for a couple of minutes more? Why does everything have to be so quiet around here? A little bit of music would not hurt anyone. I have always liked the thought of a background music.

Taking a long breath, i promised myself that i would not ruin this. I held the speech firmly in my hands and began to read, ignoring the audience. I was told that this trick works wonders in situations so i gave it a shot since i dint have many options at that time, really.

A good couple of minutes later, i looked up. I had done it, i had read out my entire speech and it did not take as much time as i thought it would. I did it, with no mistakes, no stammering and no pausing. There was no standing ovation but i felt good; i felt the people giving me a huge round of applause, all in my head. As i got off the stage, i realized, sometimes all a person needs is that one tiny push to overcome a fear.

I remember going home that night and marking Stage Fear off my list.